So Speaks Lord Chaos
I, Lord Chaos Ashton – you may refer to me as “my lord” – will also be blogging (such a funny word) with Rika, my maid. The maid has asked me to post something exciting here. What, I ask, is more exciting that an autobiography by yours truly?
So here it begins…
I am a cat. I am a black cat. I am a handsome black cat. I am a beautifully handsome black cat. I am an intelligent, beautifully handsome black cat.
I am also extremely humble.
(RIKA: Stop. I asked for exciting, not the death of my blog…This is so boring that readers are not going to run but hop on the next plane out of here.)
Well, how dare she? The maid obviously knows nothing about excitement – as I have suspected for a while. Afterall, they could read her novels at funerals, they are so sedate.
(RIKA: *Chucks a dictionary at him* As if you could do better…And stop calling me “the maid!”)
I could do better, as I have proven before with my brilliant novel. If you have not read it, I will paste it here:
Lord Chaos Ashton came into the world, shining as bright as a shining light…no sun…no something even greater. Lord Chaos was noble and heroic and handsome and a cat. He was brilliant at everything and knew that the little gadget they gave with computers called a mouse was not really a mouse and therefore one could not eat it. One day a dragon was threatening the kingdom of Camelot and Lord Chaos arrived and drove it away. The villagers were so greatful the they made King Arthur (the depised human ruler) abdicate and made Lord Chaos the king. Lord Chaos lived happily ever after.
As I said brilliant, no? The problem with Rika’s novels is that they are simply not about cats named Lord Chaos. Afterall, who in their right mind will want to read about humans. Ha ha! I laugh at such a ridiculous notion. I know you are saddened that my novel has come to a close…
But wait there is more, I have written a sequel! Rejoice, mortals!
Here it is:
Soon after scaring the cowardly dragon, the handsome, intelligent and courageous Lord Chaos required a new companion, a homely scribe. The homeliness of this scribe made the brilliance of Lord Chaos shine even brighter. Yet this scribe failed to entertain our might and handsome, Lord Chaos and thus, was thrown into the dungeon. There the homely scribe lived out her days in misery. And Lord Chaos lived happily ever after.
I did not think I could outshine the brilliance of my original novel, a true gift from the gods, yet here I have done just that. Perhaps, it is not my novel but, I, the brilliant, valiant, handsome Lord Chaos who is a true gift from the gods…
But for now I must take my beauty rest, though you should not fear mortals I shall be back.
–Lord Chaos Ashton (aka The Brilliant, Handsome, Courageous, Spectacular Gift from the Gods.)